Milking it.

Guess what? I hate breastfeeding, I know that’s like some sort of blasphemy. When my first son was born he refused to latch, the nurses tried to help fight with him to do it but he never stopped screaming.  So they gave me a pump and sent me on my journey as an exclusive pumper. Unfortunately I just couldn’t produce enough to satisfy him and we started supplementing formula when he was two days old.  They told me over and over to just keep pumping, every two hours, twenty minutes per side and everything would work out…yeah.right.  I got an ounce per pumping at my most productive. My son wanted to eat every two hours and I had to spend 40 minutes pumping every two hours, I’m not great at math but I’m pretty sure that adds up to my entire fucking day. No chance for sleep and I still had to work a full time job. After 3 months of what felt like pointless pumping I dried up.  Baby number two came and was ready to latch but my milk wasn’t in yet (scheduled c section).   I was already tired so we gave him the bottle and I took to the pump again. To my surprise I swelled up with giant boulders full of milk and I’ve had no problems with producing more than enough to feed him. Now this kid sleeps a little longer between feedings (hallelujah) and I no longer work so I’m a little more rested but I’m still attached to this damn pump like a ball and chain. I revolve my whole day around pumping and it takes a lot of time away from me.  Yes it might seem like oh maybe you should just straight breastfeed instead.  Occasionally I will just give him the breast but listen, my boobs are big and awkward and my kid is pretty heavy and that “magical” moment of feeding is definitely not sunshine and rainbows…it sucks (no pun intended). It’s not all aww look how beautiful we are in a black and white photo.  It’s hard to get comfortable, it hurts, he falls asleep before being full and so he’ll want to do it again shortly after and that on demand shit just won’t work for me with other kids to take care of. So I give the kid a bottle and we all know mom needs her own bottle.  I understand the benefits of breastmilk which is why I still pump but I’m also counting down the days to when I can give it up! Come on I can’t possibly be the only terrible mom out there that hates it.


One thought on “Milking it.

  1. You’re not a terrible mom, you’re keeping your child well fed and that’s what matters.
    I don’t have kids yet but I have a tendency to feel touched out, I don’t think breast feeding is in the cards for me.


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